


Making it to Night. Sticking around til Morning.

by nonbinary_name



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Depressive Episode, Depressive Spiral, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Mention of C2 ep 92, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers up to C2 Ep 99, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24082150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonbinary_name/pseuds/nonbinary_name
Summary: Caleb Widogast has had depressive episodes before but this one leaves both him and his new family unprepared.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Mollymauk Tealeaf, Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf & Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 67
Kudos: 228





	1. Starting Signs and Good Intentions

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> This is my first fic on here and it's honestly just a reflection of what I'm going through right now and is my way of trying to cope.
> 
> I don't really have any wisdom to share and I don't know yet how this story will end so I can't promise you a happy ending.  
> That may change as it's posted and will be reflected in updated tags.
> 
> If this is triggering to you or is just in general not your cup of tea, I completely understand you sitting this out.
> 
> With all that said, I hope you enjoy!

It had been coming on for a few days now- or maybe it had been weeks? Months?

For having both perfect recall and timekeeping, Caleb was feeling oddly disconnected from his internal clock and the overarching bonds of time.

 _Dissociating,_ he thought.

It marked the onset of another symptom, like the early signs of catching a nasty cold or flu. Except instead of there being a scratchy throat or a tell-tale itch behind his eyes, he felt himself drifting further and further away from himself, his friends, and the world.

He was starting to drop into another depressive episode. He knew it, but he had no way of telling just how hard it would hit- or even _when_ for that matter. Hopefully, he’d just have a crabby morning or two ahead of him that would go by otherwise unnoticed.

“Caaaaaay-leb~!” Jester’s sing-song voice snapped him back to the present. “Did you hear me?” She peered over the side of the wagon he was sitting in, his various research notes strewn before him untidily. He realized he had lost focus on his task a good while ago now.

 _Scheiße._ Caleb clenched his jaw and pinched the bridge of his nose before turning back to his friend.

“ _Nein,_ Jester. I’m sorry but I missed that. What were you saying?”

She frowned at him. “I was asking if you could send Frumpkin ahead to find us a good campsite for the night.” Jester hoisted herself up onto the side of the cart, leaving her feet dangling off the ground. “But if you aren’t feeling well, I’m sure Caduceus will spot something soon anyway.”

As naturally as though he’d been part of their conversation the whole time- and Caleb couldn’t be certain he hadn’t been- Caduceus chimed in from the front bench, still holding the reins.

“Yeah, that’s all right, Caleb! Why don’t you just rest back there for now? Fjord and I have got things handled up here!”

Caleb winced at just how far the firbolg’s voice carried. Sure enough, the rest of the party started casting curious, if not discreet, glances his way, and _oh,_ how he wished they wouldn’t! He hated falling under scrutiny and watchful eyes, even well-meaning and beloved ones.

Jester especially was looking him over intently, keeping a respectful distance but clearly doing her best to examine him from afar. He felt the tips of his ears flush as he busied himself sorting his papers away. Clearly he wouldn’t be getting any work done today, thanks to his unwanted reverie.

As the space in the wagon cleared before her from his research-refuse, Jester scooched a little closer and leaned in conspiratorially. Usually Caleb would have expected some salacious innuendo next but she just whispered, “I have some extra spells since we haven’t fought anything today. Do you want me to try to heal you?”

He glanced up, meeting her eyes for a fraction of a second, and the genuine care and worry there made something in his chest twist uncomfortably. Caleb tried to smile to assuage her fears but was sure it came across more as a grimace.

“Thank you but I’m afraid it would be wasted.”

The _on me_ was left unsaid but somehow it still hung in the air between them.

It was true, though. Even divine magics could not sort out the pain and hurt that occupied his mind, body, and spirit. It was just something he lived with and Caleb had made peace with that long ago.

Jester fidgeted in place, respecting his “No,” but obviously dissatisfied with it. Her tail swished a bit more aggressively than usual as she hopped back down onto the road. She jogged over to Veth without looking back.

Caleb let out a frustrated huff to himself before finding the newly vacated seat was once again suddenly occupied- and by another tiefling, no less!

“Hey! It’s like we’re playing musical chairs over here, aren’t we, Caleb?”

Mollymauk hauled himself up without any fuss or preamble, offering only his winning, crooked smile as he situated himself comfortably. Caleb felt himself redden at the sight and Molly chuckled quietly, not making fun but apparently satisfied.

He sat cross-legged in front of the human and in an act of over-nonchalance stretched with a yawn and pulled out his tarot deck.

“You’ve had the cart all to yourself _All. Day!_ ” He punctuated. “You know, you’re not the only one around here with important work to do.”

“The only work you ever do is finding new ways to scam innocent people out of their hard-earned coin!” An aggravated Beau called over her shoulder. She was a few paces ahead of the cart on foot.

“Love you, too, Beau!” Molly returned.

“Fuck you, Molly!”

He graciously and regally waved a single finger back at her before turning his attention back to the cards laid out before him.

A few minutes of idle chatter passed before the group seemed to settle back into their routine. Mollymauk sat muttering various fortunes to himself and the droning cadence of his voice eventually brought Caleb back to a relaxed state. He felt his shoulders drop their tension as he slouched back into his preferred position- good posture be damned- with a sigh.

“You know,” Molly spoke quietly, his eyes still fixed on the painted cards. “Sometimes the best medicine is just giving people a little space.”

The words almost startled Caleb, finally catching-wise to the ruse.

“Ah- _ja,_ thank you. I didn’t realize we had three clerics in the group,” he said with a small grin.

Molly’s face broke into a bright and wide smile, the one reserved for when he heard a particularly good secret, but he kept his eyes down. Caleb tried to keep from going too red again and continued to tell himself that it was perfectly ordinary to know and categorize all the different kinds of smiles someone makes. Never mind that he only did so for Molly.

Still, all thoughts of his impending episode left Caleb as he watched his friends around him. Their natural ease was something mysterious and unknowable to him but it brought him a certain comfort all the same.


	2. There's Nowhere to Hide from the All-Seeing Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How many troubling signs need to be there before the Nein knows something's wrong?
> 
> How many more before Caleb is willing to admit it himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a disclaimer, I feel like I should reiterate that the symptoms presented here are typical for what *I* go through with my own mental illnesses and disability.
> 
> It may not be how you experience the illness, or be the same as what you've studied, but this is definitely how it goes for me so I hope you can respect that.
> 
> I just don't want to inadvertently hurt anyone by making them feel like because they have a different symptomatology than I do, it means that I disbelieve or de-value what they're going through. 
> 
> I don't feel that way at all.   
> Trust me, if you're going through it, I believe you and I hope you're getting whatever care and assistance you need.
> 
> With that said, thank you for your time and I hope you enjoy!

A few days had passed since Caleb's initial spacing-out in the cart.

Before, what could have been written off as a moment of mere travel fatigue was, unfortunately, now only worsening. He was having a harder and harder time of maintaining the charade that he was OK around the rest of the Nein, and the fact that they all seemed to be keeping an extra watchful eye on him these days was not helping his endeavor.

Veth had, of course, been extra attentive to him ever since the moment when Jester shared her suspicions that something was amiss. The relationship between the two of them had undeniably changed over these last few months but the cleric’s worry seemed to have triggered a regression of sorts- that, or perhaps it was her motherly instincts kicking into gear.

“Make sure you eat all of that now. You need to keep your strength up,” she would say to him when they stopped for meals. Her tone was one of a firm reminder rather than an outright reprimand.

It made him smile for a moment, bringing back a small feeling of warmth from his own mother years and years ago. But when his mind caught up with the sensation, the smile faded along with the comfort, leaving only a cold and dull aching in his chest with some of the luster leaving his eyes.

All the same, he made sure to eat everything without protest, though his stomach felt nauseous and tied in knots much of the time.

Good food gave no pleasure or relief, and his palette insulted Caduceus’s hard work by making every well-developed and melded flavor turn bland and unseasoned in his mouth.

After one such mealtime, Caleb was sure he heard Veth cluck in disapproval and caught her sharing a pointed look with Caduceus from the corner of his eye.

The thought of it made his heart sink.

In fact, any number of things that he could have feigned ignorance to before now seemed to be writing an ever-damning indictment against him.

Fjord had caught him scratching at his arms a little more than usual at the campfire.

His nightmares, a nightly occurrence, were certainly nothing new to the group, but now he woke up gasping in the early dawn with a worried Beau looking down over him.

And while the others would probably never accuse him of being chatty on a good day, Caleb’s contributions to conversation devolved to barely more than a hushed single or two-word response. What’s more, even these seemed to pain him when he spoke, as though he had to grit out every individual sound and syllable individually.

Mollymauk had taken to talking to him more.

It appeared like he was trying to coax a little more out of him, as if his speech were an ailing stray he had found in the back of some dark and forgotten alleyway, just in need of a little extra love and attention.

Caleb felt awful for not being able to produce more than a few head nods or pained grunts of assent, but he found what hurt more was when Molly gave up on the venture altogether. Perhaps he was switching back to the thought that all Caleb needed was a little more quiet and space.

But the quiet was deafening and he wasn’t sure of when he had last felt so lonely, in spite of only being a few feet from any one of his friends.

Along the road of their travels, Caleb caught a passing glimpse of his reflection in a stream. The dark circles under his eyes were so pronounced, it looked like he was taking a page from Yasha’s fashion sense.

Finally, although the Nein seemed to be taking a much slower pace than was their usual for an otherwise safe and well-traveled thoroughfare, he just couldn’t seem to keep up.

Caleb was dizzy and winded and more than once he was found stumbling over his own feet as they went along. After the second time of nearly toppling over, head-over-feet, both Yasha and Jester gave him a boost back into the still-moving cart.

He passed out, completely exhausted, not long thereafter- falling into an uneasy and fitful sleep.

Veth. Yasha. Beau. Fjord. Jester. Caduceus.

…Mollymauk.

As the days passed, everyone seemed to be watching him with an extra look in their eyes that he couldn’t quite place.

Was it pity? Worry? Maybe a little of both?

He wasn’t sure but he didn’t like it.

But what was more- he couldn’t do anything about it. He was getting worse and they all knew it.

He was getting worse and there was nothing he could do to hide it anymore.

It was the next morning when Caleb finally relented in letting both Jester and Caduceus have their shot at healing him.

The day had started out all right. He was still quiet but he managed basic waves and what counted as eye-contact for him.

But before they had even set about breakfast, the shivering kicked in.

Caleb had tried to be discreet with it at first. He just blew on his hands and sat a little closer to the fire- even going so far as to purposefully avoid rubbing his arms for warmth so he wouldn’t look like he was scratching again.

He did want to scratch again, of course, but now his mind was preoccupied with just how _cold_ he felt.

Mollymauk sat down next to him, a little oblivious from his groggy state- typical for him in the early hours.

“ _’Morning._ ” He more of yawned and slurred blearily, rather than spoke coherently. His lilting accent was still thick with sleep.

Caleb nodded in acknowledgement and tried to inch a little closer to the fire unnoticed.

“You chilly today?”

_No dice._

Caleb froze in the action before letting out a cough of a sigh and nodding again. This time he reached his hands out closer to the warmth while doing his best to not look directly at the flames. The last thing he needed now was a flashback.

The thought alone made him shudder.

And then he gave another.

And another.

Suddenly he was shivering and he couldn’t stop.

Molly got up and knelt in front of him, studying him, his expression alarmed.

“Hey, are you all right there, Mister Caleb?”

Caleb gave Molly nothing to work with in response. His mind and body were just wracked with cold.

He shuddered and coughed as he felt the back of a warm hand systematically touching his forehead and cheeks.

“Caduceus!” Molly called. “Jester!”

Caleb looked up and met worried red eyes, catching the blur of an anxiously swishing tail from the edges of his vision.

Soon he heard the low rumbling tones of Caduceus’s voice- nearby and yet distant. It was like hearing him from underwater.

“I don’t know!” Molly answered a question Caleb hadn’t made out. “This just started. He doesn’t feel warm but his eyes are glassy and he’s all clammy.”

The next thing he knew, Molly was all but shoved out of the way and replaced by yet another uncharacteristically worried face.

“Caleb.” Jester’s voice wavered slightly but it was clear she was being direct and authoritative with him. “I know you didn’t want any healing the other day but I really need to try now, OK? You’re sick and you need help.”

Caleb withered under her intense gaze and turned away from her with another coughing shudder before finally giving her a watery look and nodding his consent. She looked elated and let out a sigh of relief.

“OK. OK-OK-OK. You’re going to be feeling sooooo much better in a moment, Caleb. The Traveler is going to heal you and then you’ll be all better again!”

He wasn’t sure if she was saying this to make him feel better or to assuage her own fears but he realized it didn’t matter.

Jester held up the symbol of the Traveler to him and a warm pulse of magic washed over him as she cast Lesser Restoration.

There was a pregnant pause as they waited for the spell to work but Caleb just slumped over onto the ground. His arms were now pulling all of his form into a tight ball as he tried to conserve warmth, continuing to shake and shiver.

“That’s OK, Jester. Maybe he could just use a double dose,” a low rumbling voice spoke next to him.

Caleb briefly cracked an eye open and saw Jester staring at him looking devastated and horrified. A second magic pulse washed over him and he knew that Caduceus had cast the same spell, this time invoking the Wildmother.

Again, they waited.

And again, they failed.

Neither spell had had any effect.

Caleb had known this would be case beforehand but hadn’t had it in him to protest against them anymore.

To see both clerics fail, however, left a pall over the rest of the group.

This wasn’t something any of them, save Caleb himself, had anticipated.

The rest of the Nein debated about whether it was wise to continue traveling or if they should rest for the day and hunker-down in place. They wrapped Caleb up in blankets and stoked the fire but it started to sputter and spit as the clouded-over morning gave way to rain.

In the end, they each realized how they were still days away from any meaningful civilization. They couldn’t just hang around forever.

“Maybe he can still teleport us? We could just scrap this mission and head back to Rosohna or Zadash…”

“…’S gotta be someone we know who can help…”

“Never seen him this bad before… I have no idea what to do.”

Caleb caught snippets of whispered conversation from his friends that he knew he wasn’t supposed to hear. The words weren’t for him, even though they were about him. _Because_ they were talking about him was the whole reason why he shouldn’t be listening in.

But he couldn’t help it and he couldn’t care.

He just sat, slouched, staring at his hands in his lap and shivered. Keeping his eyes on his hands meant they wouldn’t start picking at his arms. He knew that would only upset his friends further and he was causing enough trouble for them today as it was.

So, Caleb resolved to simply be cold and do nothing.

The trouble was, doing nothing was crushingly exhausting.

He was only vaguely aware of Mollymauk sidling up next to him again. This time he sat up close, their bodies touching. His voice came quiet and low in a way that comforted Caleb but he couldn’t quite reason out why.

“I wanna try to warm you up the old-fashioned way, if that’s all right. But if you don’t want to be touched right now, I understand. I don’t want to do anything that you’re not OK with.”

Caleb leaned his head against Molly’s shoulder and nodded.

In a motion that only became clear to him after the fact, Molly reached into Caleb’s blanket fort and fished out the hood from his outer cloak, pulling it tightly over his head.

“There. That’s a start at least. We’re all so busy running around with our heads cut off over here that we’re missing out on the basics.” He leaned over Caleb and gave him a warm and inviting smile.

Caleb hadn’t even registered the raindrops that were dripping from his bangs.

He nodded. “Th-Thank you, Mr. Mollymauk.” They were the first words he had mustered that day and they came out weak and shriveled but Molly’s eyes lit up at their sound all the same.

“You’re full of surprises, you know that? Though, if I’m being honest, today has been a surprise I could live without if it’s all the same to you.” His voice lilted with a slight laugh.

Caleb felt his eyes sting. He wanted to pull away from Molly but instead found himself only nestling in closer to his shoulder. He was warm and this was nice.

In turn, Mollymauk wrapped his arms and even his tail around Caleb and pulled him in close to his chest. Caleb felt the soft thrum of his heartbeat. It seemed a little quicker than he expected but then again, he had put his friends through a scare that day.

He supposed it made sense to him as his eyes drifted close.

“Easy there. You just take a nap for now and we’ll wait out this rain together, OK?”

Caleb made no sound and gave no indication that the words had reached him but his breathing slowed as he was pulled back into the familiar darkness and screams and flames and pain again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading.
> 
> There is still more to come!
> 
> If you'd like, I love hearing from you in the comments, or if you'd prefer to leave a kudo- trust me it is all very much appreciated!


	3. Rain and Muddied Thoughts and Clouded Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nein continue on their way and evaluate their options.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter length consistency?
> 
> I don't know her.

After another hour or so had passed, it became clear that the rain was not, in fact, going to ease up on them.

Molly still held Caleb close to his chest, but it hurt his heart hearing the man whimper in his sleep. He focused on keeping as still as possible so as not to further disturb his slumber. Still, it would have been easier, or at least some consolation, if he could have believed that the rest was actually doing him any good.

Currently it just seemed to be causing him more suffering, and meanwhile, Molly was getting a cramp on top of being soaked down to the bone.

“Molly!” Beau called, getting his attention. “Jester’s messaging Essek to see if he knows anything that might help Caleb, but in the meantime we’re gonna keep moving so c’mon! Douse the fire and get him up.”

_Douse the fire_ , Molly scoffed, rolling his eyes.

He was promptly rewarded for this salty reaction by two fat raindrops landing squarely in them.

It didn’t exactly hurt so much as it came across as the aggravating icing on today’s shit-cake.

He took a breath to center himself so the first thing out of his mouth wouldn’t be him grousing at Caleb. Whatever it was he was going through, it was clear he didn’t need anything else added to his worries right now.

Molly hesitated for a moment, unsure of how best to approach, before he gently tapped the sleeping human.

“Caleb,” he whispered sweetly. “It’s time to get up now.”

Molly felt Caleb tense in his arms, and he suddenly had to hold on tight as the latter tried to wrench out of his grasp. Molly glimpsed shocked blue eyes, wild and unseeing.

“Easy, easy! It’s OK. You’re safe.”

Caleb’s breaths came out in broken gasps but soon Molly recognized his gaze regaining focus and clarity.

“There you go! Welcome back.” He rubbed Caleb’s back in small but firm circles. “We’re heading out now, but if you need to sit another minute, it’s all right. Take all the time you need.”

Molly watched Caleb return to the present.

Though he had had his suspicions while holding him, their previous positions had prevented Molly from seeing Caleb’s face as he slept. However, now he saw tearstains lining down the man’s cheeks.

Molly felt a tightness in his chest at the sight of these, but he tried to keep his tone light-hearted as Caleb’s breathing evened out. Molly continued rubbing circles and speaking soft words of encouragement to him, doing his best to be a grounding presence.

In time, Caleb turned away, hastily wiping at his face. Molly let him go easily and set about his other To-Do item gifted to him by Beauregard.

The “fire” was little more than embers and smoke already, after facing the same brunt of rain, which had left Molly feeling particularly peeved even beyond the morning’s excitement. He was eager to let out a bit of his pent-up frustration as well as to stretch out his stiff and cramping legs by kicking around the logs until every last remnant of flame was thoroughly snuffed out.

He was surprised when he turned around and found Caleb was still standing there waiting for him.

“Oh! I’m sorry. I figured you’d have headed for the cart already to get out of this weather.”

Their tarp was already up and situated, so hopefully everyone would be able to enjoy some at least partially dry travel today.

Caleb was looking down and away from him. Avoiding eye contact was the norm for Caleb, of course, but given that he was waiting for him, Molly figured he needed something.

He watched as slowly but deliberately, Caleb made a fist with his hand. He then placed this against his chest and made circles with it.

Molly cocked an eyebrow. “Uh… Does your chest hurt?”

Caleb paused, apparently considering the question, before he nodded, repeated the motion, and then shook his head.

“I’m gonna take that as a ‘Yes’ but also ‘No,’ then?”

Caleb nodded once more, but their conversation was cut short by a sudden lightning strike.

It wasn’t _close_ technically but it was certainly close enough that only Yasha would be comfortable with its proximity.

Molly quickly scooped up the now soaked-through blankets that were left lying beside them, the last of the group’s belongings that had yet to be packed, as Caleb had needed them. He then motioned with his head towards the wagon.

“That’s our cue to go! We’ll talk more later,” and the two hurried to the others.

Everyone was already huddled up in the cart waiting for them. All of them together made for a tight fit, but it was much better than being stuck out in the storm.

Molly also caught on to the fact that they were all suspiciously dry.

“Finally!” Beau greeted them. “You two were taking forever!”

“Fjord used his special water powers to get all the rain off of us again!” Jester chimed in brightly.

Her attention then turned to the human and she offered him a little wave.

“Hey, Caaaayleb~!” Her tone remained warm but was markedly softer in comparison. “Did you have a good nap? You can take another one if you want, since we’ve got literally nothing else to do today!”

She let out a sudden gasp. “Oh my gosh, you guys! What if today we all have a slumber party together?” Jester clapped excitedly.

Molly was amused at how fast Jester was turning a miserable day stuck in the cart into an impromptu sleepover. He was impressed really, but if that plan was to work they’d need one more thing.

“Deucey!” He called. “You think you could give Caleb, these blankets, and me the same Fjord Blow-Dry treatment?” Molly shot Fjord a knowing wink and felt a self-satisfied grin spread across his features as the paladin turned a deeper shade of green.

Caduceus answered unperturbed.

“Well, I’m not sure I’ll do it as well as Fjord does…” The half-orc let out a low groan beside him. “But I think I can sort you all out just fine.”

And sure enough, in a few moments Caleb and Mollymauk were sitting as nice and pretty as the rest of their friends. Everyone kicked off their muddy boots and laid out all of their blankets and pillows into the bed of the cart.

Molly stretched out to the best of his ability and cuddled up with Yasha. Veth, meanwhile, was checking over her boy. Caleb was still a little shivery now, though vastly better than earlier. All the same, it was decided that Beau and Veth would huddle up on either side of him to keep him warm.

Fjord and Caduceus were once again manning the horses and now, with everyone finally safe and situated, they were off.

Jester babbled energetically about how they should all go around in a circle telling ghost stories and play games and read smutty books to pass the time.

In fact, it occurred to Molly as he looked over- maybe Jester was being a little _too_ energetic right now, even for her.

Sure enough, he picked up on the slight tension that was held tight in her shoulders, and although her smile did appear genuine, there was a certain edge to it that was just a hair strained. Molly had been through enough forced performances in his time to recognize the signs. After all, come hell or high water…

“The show must go on,” he mumbled sleepily to himself as he scooted in closer to Yasha.

He was about ready for a nap himself after all that had happened that morning.

Yasha wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer in her lap. She slipped the other outside the protection of the tarp and let it dangle in the rain. She kept her eyes out on the storm- more at peace now with the feeling of the water droplets sliding between her fingers, and less constricted now with the open air and wind beating against her skin.

Molly looked up at her with a warm fondness, which she mirrored back at him with a soft smile. He loved Yasha with all his heart and curling up with her, squished-in with a band of misfits on a wobbly wagon again, made him feel oddly nostalgic and safe.

_I guess home is always gonna be on the road for me,_ he thought.

Time passed by rather serenely, and Mollymauk was just on the brink of falling asleep when Beau’s voice broke the peaceful reverie.

“All right, he’s out.”

Molly quirked an eyebrow and lifted his head. Sure enough, Caleb was snoring softly against Beauregard’s shoulder. She was holding his hand firmly in hers like they did when he was looking through Frumpkin’s eyes. It must have been a comforting touch for the two of them now, especially when everything felt so on edge.

Beau’s eyes were fixed on Jester.

“So… What did Essek say?”

She was clearly trying to stay cool and not sound so impatient, but there was still a touch of annoyed urgency in her voice. Jester must have caught it, too. Molly saw her wince as if she had just been scolded.

“Well,” she started. “He said that it’s hard to say what’s wrong with Caleb when he can’t examine him.” Jester let out a sigh, “And that even if he could, he was sure Caduceus and I would be ‘better suited’ for the job ourselves.” She made frustrated air-quotes with her fingers and her tail flicked behind her.

A quiet came over the group as they digested Essek’s response.

“Soooo…” Beau finally broke. “He’s basically saying, ‘Fuck Caleb and fuck us?’ Am I hearing that right?”

Jester shifted in her seat uncomfortably. Caduceus was the one who jumped to her rescue.

“I don’t think that’s what he’s saying, Beau. I think Essek trusts us and he believes we’ve got this handled. You know how he cares for Caleb.”

He offered her a smile over his shoulder but it only made her bristle more.

“I don’t know, Caduceus.” It was Fjord’s turn to chime in now. “I’m more with Beau on this one. It feels like he’s leaving us high and dry when we really need him. I mean, look, Caleb needs help,” he said, pointing back to the sleeping human for emphasis. “Yeah, _we’re_ going to take care of him but as far as Essek goes, this friendship of ours is starting to feel a little lopsided. Don’t you think?”

Molly let out a frustrated sigh. He could never stand petty whining, squabbles, and finger-pointing so he sat up and turned to the others.

“Look, Essek was there for us when we needed to rescue Yasha.”

He patted the barbarian’s leg affectionately and briefly checked to make sure she was OK. With her nod of confirmation, he continued.

“I’m not going to forget that anytime soon, as far as ‘lopsided friendships’ go. But beyond that, I think we’re all missing the bigger point here. Take a look where we are right now!” He gestured around all of them vaguely.

The rain had picked up again and was coming down on them hard. The road ahead would be little more than mud if it kept up like this. To their left were the same rolling fields and farmlands they had been passing by for days now and on their right were snatches of trees, which gave way to forests farther out.

Their latest mission was taking them to the far western outreaches of the Dwendalian Empire. They had heard a few rumors that mountain trolls and giants were coming down and laying waste to villages with raids happening every two weeks. But the kicker was, it was always the same attackers- including the ones who were already slain in previous attacks. They weren’t undead and as far as the reports went, not resurrected- or at least not in any way the locals knew of. Whether the villagers meticulously kept or burned all the remains, in two-weeks’ time, the same lumbering forms would be back again.

_That_ had caught their attention and King Dwendal was apparently tired of sending precious resources and aid to the unending onslaught. They were going to be paid handsomely for their efforts if they could figure out what was happening and put an end to it.

Not to mention, it’d buy them another precious favor from the Cerberus Assembly. If they could get enough members to look the other way for some trivial or otherwise innocuous request, they might just be able to create their own opportunity for taking the whole Assembly down.

That was worth trudging through the backwaters of the Empire for days on end with the promise of possible death by giants waiting for them as reward.

Unfortunately for their situation now, however…

“Even if Essek had said, ‘Yes, let me drop literally every shady, diabolical, and probably torturous business I’m seeing to right now; just tell me where you are and I’ll be there.’” Molly dropped his shoulders and crossed his arms over his chest. “What would we tell him? In twenty-five words or less?”

He caught Jester’s eye. She was balling and un-balling up her skirt with clenched fists.

“And that’s not a dig against you, darling,” he soothed. “It’s just we don’t have anything to give him. We have a map and have been on the same road now for days and _we_ don’t even have any idea where we are! Not in a meaningful way for giving directions at least!”

He threw his voice in a mocking tone, adding:

“Oh yeah, don’t worry, Essek, just… It’s West of Rexxentrum and if you’ve hit mountains, you’ve either gone too far, not far enough, or you’re either waaaaay too far North or possibly??? South of us? Good luck! Either we’ll see you in twenty seconds or we’ll spring you from whatever jail you wind up in when you get caught on Empire soil!”

Molly’s tail was lashing behind him, which may have looked intimidating if it weren’t thumping rather comically against the wooden side of the cart.

The rest of the Nein were quiet again as the reality sunk in.

Whenever Mollymauk was the voice of reason, they knew they were well and truly fucked.

A muffled hiccup and sniffle came from Jester but when she looked up, her eyes were dry.

“I wasn’t counting but that was _way_ more than twenty-five words. You’d be really bad at sending messages, Molly.”

She laughed and he snickered and though it happened gradually, soon everyone was having a hard time keeping the giggles at bay.

It was precisely _because_ this was the worst possible time to laugh that they all couldn’t seem to help themselves.

It was worth it, though.

They needed the levity and it was just like Jester to be the one to bring it to them.

When they finally started to calm back down and catch their breath again, Molly added warmly to her, “You’ve definitely got me there. That’s why we leave all these intricate diplomacy matters to you, love.”

Beau nudged Jester with her elbow. “He’s right, you know. You take good care of us and we wouldn’t have gotten this far without you.”

A small smile crept up her lips as though in spite of herself, and Jester took a deep breath to re-center.

“Thank you, Beau.” She took the monk’s free hand in her own and gave it a squeeze.

Encouraged, and blushing slightly, Beau continued. “Anyway, screw Essek. We’ve got this handled! I mean, this is _Caleb_ we’re talking about here, right?” She smirked.

The Nein all seemed to let out a collective sigh of relief at her words.

They were feeling more sure of themselves than they had in days and they likely would have ridden that high for as long as it would have lasted, except it was then that Caleb started to whimper in his sleep again.

The sound of it left a damper on the group and Beau shifted uncomfortably.

“Uh, he’s um… He’s crying on me,” she mumbled half-heartedly.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah!” Molly came to her rescue. “He was doing that to me earlier. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. He’ll stop on his own.”

Beau grimaced back at him but Veth just reached up and smoothed out Caleb’s bangs.

“Caduceus,” she said. “Would you mind trying Calm Emotions on him?”

Molly looked over at Veth, both surprised and impressed with her. He wasn’t sure why no one else had thought of that before.

“Oh, of course.” Caduceus handed the reigns to Fjord and shifted around so he was fully facing everyone in the back now. Although his voice was steady, Molly caught an uneasiness in Caduceus’s expression. Maybe this morning’s debacle was weighing heavier on him than he was letting on.

Regardless, he held his staff aloft and the purple crystal emanated a soft aura that fell over all of them in waves.

Mollymauk felt his whole body relax and he leaned back against Yasha. It was like an extra force of gravity was pulling his weight down into her but in a way that felt safe, like falling asleep. Looking around, he saw similar effects taking hold of the rest of his friends. A muted elation warmed his chest cavity as he watched Caleb in particular succumbing to the spell.

His crying whimpers stopped and instead were replaced with a gentle panting against Beau’s shoulder, as though he were catching his breath.

“Excellent work, Deucey!” Molly smiled at the cleric, impressed.

However, when a minute passed, they all felt the calming force lift from them- including Caleb.

His eyes scrunched tightly shut and his grip on Beauregard re-doubled.

And then he started to scream.

Painful, voice-cracking, and gut-wrenching wails came from the hunched figure with a sound much louder than his form seemed currently capable of producing.

“ _Shit! Shit! Shit!_ ” Veth was panicking and started shaking him, trying to get him to stop.

“I got it!” Caduceus’s voice broke through as he once more cast his spell. Once again, the waves fell upon them but now most of the Nein shrugged off the effect, too focused on the ailing man to be soothed even by magical means.

Thankfully, however, Caleb did fall under its sway.

He shuddered and coughed briefly before becoming still once more against Beau.

Caduceus sighed, relieved but still obviously concerned with the situation.

“This seems more cruel than caring at this point,” he said.

“I agree,” Veth concurred. “I’m sorry about this, everyone.”

“Hey, don’t go beating yourself up now. It was a good plan,” Molly countered. “It’s not your fault it just didn’t take.”

The others agreed and she gave a watery nod.

About thirty seconds had passed and, not wanting a repeat of what they had all just been through, Veth gently pulled Caleb to her chest.

“Cay, it’s time to wake up now. You’re having a bad dream.”

Molly wondered about how this same scene had played out with him just a few hours before when slowly, bright blue eyes opened, still heavy from the spell.

Caleb sat up with a grunt and knuckled the salt out of his eyes.

“That’s right. You’re going to be all right now.” Veth continued to coo at him.

Everyone recognized when the spell finally ended.

Caleb’s posture immediately hunched in on itself once more as he pulled his knees up against his torso. He folded his arms on these and rested his head upon them.

The man looked wrecked- exhausted and pained. But he wasn’t crying or screaming or shaking so maybe this was the best the Mighty Nein could hope from him for today.

“Hey, Caleb,” Jester waved to get his attention. “Why don’t you call Frumpkin? I bet he wants to be with you right now.”

Caleb looked at her blankly, as though her words did not reach him.

“Come on. You know!” She snapped her fingers to demonstrate and again when he still didn’t seem to understand.

At last, he furrowed his brow at her and mimicking her motion, he gave his fingers a loud _snap!_

And once more, the air surrounding the group seemed to drop a sudden ten degrees, as they all realized that no cat had appeared.


	4. Ghosts on Her Lips. Ghosts before Our Eyes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mighty Nein try to find comfort where they can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to my friends for supporting me with writing this!

“Look, I hear what you’re all saying...”

A low groan came over the bed of the cart as Fjord once again swiveled back on the driver’s bench to face them.

“But, are we _sure_ that Frumpkin didn’t just get eaten by something out here when we weren’t looking?”

It was the fifth time he had posited the question to them in as many hours.

Molly blew the bangs out of his eyes in exasperation. “You know, I do find it funny that your best-case scenario involves getting eaten by a coyote. Really speaks to your brand of optimism there, Fjord.”

Beau snickered in spite of herself before giving Fjord an apologetic look.

“Sorry, Cap’n, but he’s got a point.”

Veth stretched out her back with a few loud cracks, before giving Caleb’s arm a familiar and consoling pat. Her expression as she examined her boy was filled with pity and a sort of defeated sadness. The past few days were clearly weighing on her now but as she turned to lock eyes with Fjord, her demeanor shifted back to a steely and hardened strength.

“You know, Fjord,” she started. “I would’ve thought out of any of us, _you_ would be the one to have a little more empathy for suddenly waking up without any of your powers.” Her eyes bore daggers into him and he startled at her intensity.

“I- I am _concerned!_ I’m not suggesting we dump Caleb off on the side of the road!” He threw his hands up, perplexed. “But he’s always been able to summon Frumpkin! Even when he was completely spent and on his last legs, he could still call his damn cat!”

“I really don’t think that shouting is necessary.”

The steady and low voice of Caduceus rang out before Veth could give her retort. From the withering look she still had trained on Fjord, it was sure to have been devastating.

Fjord let out a sigh and relented.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, everyone. I guess this whole situation just has me a little on edge.” He paused, looking away. “More than a little, actually.”

Caduceus rested a calming hand on his shoulder.

“You’re not alone there. We all want what’s best for Caleb. Wouldn’t you agree, Veth?” He turned his head, giving her a warm but expectant smile.

Her gaze was still fixed upon Fjord as if waiting for an opportunity to strike but slowly, she nodded, accepting the apology.

Mollymauk clapped his hands.

“Good! One big happy family again! My favorite.”

He shot Veth a shit-eating grin, which she rolled her eyes at. She started to relax back into place when suddenly, Caleb grabbed ahold of both her hands.

He was looking at her with pleading eyes as he made his increasingly familiar gesture- fist pressed against his chest, rubbing in small circles there.

“I know, Caleb. I know. Shush now.”

This was a lie- but a convincing one all the same. Caleb was still left uneasy but seemed placated for the time being.

In truth, though, none of the Mighty Nein had been able to decipher his meaning when he had started up again with the circular motions some hours ago.

At least part of this was to blame by virtue of him setting about it rather compulsively. He would go on with the action for minutes at a time if they let him. As such, they eventually turned to discouraging the behavior as best they could, out of fear that he’d otherwise end up rubbing his own skin off.

In spite of this worrying new habit, his condition had been steadily improving throughout the day.

The group had begrudgingly agreed that more naptime for Caleb neither seemed to be working nor worth the agita it was causing all of them. With this consensus, the first hour had been little more than nudging him every few minutes whenever he seemed to be nodding off.

It didn’t feel right to force a sick person to stay awake but they had to make do with the lesser of two evils. Awake, Caleb was calm at the very least.

Still, as time passed on, the Mighty Nein began to look for ways to occupy themselves.

Jester sought to make good on her ghost stories plan, beginning with an old tale from the Menagerie Coast about a lighthouse keeper who had gone mad with loneliness. One dark and stormy night-

“On a night _just. Like. This…”_ Jester emphasized, and although it was still barely past midday, the storm beating down around them did add to the effect quite nicely.

The story continued that after years spent all alone with nary another soul for miles around for company, a beautiful woman appeared on the lighthouse keeper’s doorstep. He took her as his wife straight away.

“And every night they would stay together and he would hold her _so_ tightly in his arms.” She paused to waggle her eyebrows.

“But in the morning, she would always lock herself away in her room and demand to not be disturbed! Months went by and the man became _consumed_ by her long absences and started to think that somehow she must be sneaking away for the love of another. So, one morning after she retired to her chamber, he picked the lock and when he opened the door…”

Jester pantomimed the action, drawing out the suspense for all it was worth.

“There she was, standing in the sunlight- as beautiful and shimmering as the very ocean’s waves. A look of horror came over her face as she saw him enter, and as their eyes met for the last time- _whoosh!_ She turned to seafoam and was never seen again.”

The group ooh-ed and ah-ed appropriately with a smattering of applause thrown in.

Jester took her seated bow with much grace and many flourishes.

After a few moments, however, Fjord broke the returning calm and quiet of the party by twisting around with a puzzled expression.

“That’s how you end the story?”

“What do you mean ‘ _that’s how I end the story?_ ’ That’s how the story ends!” She looked positively affronted.

“I- I just mean,” he stammered. “I heard it told differently growing up, I guess. At the orphanage, the older kids said the guy scooped up the seafoam and boiled it into the stew for his supper, or…” He shivered at the memory. “That he bathed in it.”

“Wait, he boiled and bathed in his dead wife?” Beau scrambled up into a squatting position, eyes-wide and looking absolutely captivated. “That’s super fucked!”

“It’s _so_ fucked!” Fjord agreed heartily. “That’s why I was surprised! I had nightmares for weeks after I heard that when I was growing up!”

At the word ‘nightmares,’ Molly caught a brief glimpse of movement from the corner of his eye. He might have written it off as just his imagination, except Beauregard had stopped suddenly and was looking at Caleb now, too.

He must have flinched against her. She looked worried again.

“I guess Port Damali kids just go harder than they do in Nicodranas!” Veth ribbed Jester playfully, continuing the conversation.

The others hadn’t seemed to notice anything amiss.

“Well, Mama was the one who told me the story and she always tells it best!”

Mollymauk stirred, sitting up, and Yasha let him go easily before chiming in, “Why don’t you tell us the one with the… the fruit? It was a peach?”

“A plum, darling,” Molly corrected her warmly as he slyly inched his way over to Beauregard.

Jester shook her head with a laugh. “You guys were _really bad_ at re-telling that story.”

“Well, that just means you should tell it again!” Yasha insisted. “That way we’ll get it right next time!”

The others laughed but Jester seemed happy, excited for the chance to share one of her favorite bedtime stories with her friends again.

Meanwhile, Beau was still distracted with looking over Caleb and jumped, surprised, when Mollymauk tapped her on the knee. He gave her a cocky, if apologetic, smile for startling her before commencing with his scheme.

“You know, Beau, I’m afraid I’m _all_ cuddled out, but Yasha could still use some company. She’s an absolutely insatiable cuddler!”

He spoke quietly, as though keeping the words just between the two of them- a fairly easy task with the rain pummeling down heavily against their tarp overhead. Their friends were practically shouting to be heard while sitting only a few feet away from each other.

“Would you do me a favor and switch places with me? I’ll look after our wizard and you’ll give me a break from Yasha’s bear hug embrace?”

Beau recognized what Mollymauk was doing: Giving her an out.

She was loath to take it. It felt too much like abandoning Caleb but the offer _was_ tempting, and it wasn’t like she’d be too far out of reach if they needed her.

“All right. I’ll take one for the team here, Molls, but don’t say I never did anything for ya’.”

She met his lie with bravado. It was how they could show each other they cared without diving too deeply into _feelings-_ perish the thought!

Beau peeled herself away from the unsteady wizard and instead hopped over to the opposite side of the cart, settling down next to Yasha. She wasn’t so bold as to all but crawl into her lap, as Molly was accustomed to, but the two sat in companionable proximity to each other. And if Beau nudged her way closer as time went by, nobody commented on it.

In the meantime, Molly sat himself down in front of Caleb and gave him a winning smile.

“Feeling any better, love?”

Mollymauk inquired without expecting much of an answer but Caleb’s response was disheartening all the same. He looked away with a grimace, refusing to meet his eye.

Mostly, Caleb looked frustrated.

His brow was heavily furrowed and his jaw set tight like he was clenching his teeth. Pointedly fixing his gaze at the now monk-less space beside him, he again rubbed at his chest.

Molly reached out a hand to him but stopped before touching, letting it hang in the air between them, seemingly unbothered by this half-measure.

“Hey now, we’ve talked about this. Come on. We don’t want you to hurt yourself by accident, do we?”

Caleb paused at the words. Slowly, he put his hand down and let it rest in his lap. He turned back to Molly, looking miserable and forlorn.

It was enough to break the blood hunter’s heart but he couldn’t let it show, not right now. Instead he offered another patient smile and focused on speaking with a soft and encouraging tone.

“There you go. Well done, Caleb.”

Molly let the human readjust for a moment before turning away his attention to a little knapsack he kept on his person. Rummaging through this, he procured a few different bundles of colorful threads.

Caleb looked at these with a mild puzzlement that was marred by the overall aura of disinterest he had about him. This apathy didn’t faze Mollymauk in the slightest, however.

“Cay, I need your help on a _very_ important slumber party task.”

He had switched back to his certain playfulness, speaking now with a mock solemnity and grandiose self-importance.

“We’re in desperate need of friendship bracelets! Otherwise, how will onlookers know that we’re all besties and that they should be feeling _supremely_ jealous of these bonds we share together?”

There was a sudden gasp to their side and Molly turned to see Jester clapping her hands with glee.

“Oh my gosh! We’re going to have friendship bracelets? Can I make some, too?”

Molly chuckled at her enthusiasm before giving her a little shooing-away motion.

“You’re already busy being the group story-teller! Let me get Caleb situated and then I have something fun for you, too, OK?”

“Yay!” She cheered eagerly before returning to her story without missing a beat.

Soon, Molly measured out five different colored threads, looping them three times the length of his forearm each. He deftly knotted these together at one end and wrestled out a clipboard from his pack, which he kept for crafts.

Clipping the threads securely, he swung ‘round so he was seated next to Caleb. His gaze still appeared to be a bit fuzzy and unfocused around the edges, as far as Mollymauk could tell. But this just gave him all the more reason to hope a little distraction would help Caleb come back to himself piece by piece.

“Now, watch closely…”

Slowly and deliberately, he walked Caleb through the process of making forward looping knots starting from the center and working outward. After the first round, he handed the project over to Caleb to complete the next few rows, developing the first chevron pattern.

Caleb’s fingers were clumsy and unsure in the beginning but the movements were simple enough to master in time. And as Molly demonstrated how to develop and invert the design to form diamonds, Caleb committed every dexterous detail of his slender, working fingers to memory.

He didn’t have to think about it.

This wasn’t important.

He knew it was just another capricious whim of Mollymauk’s that he was indulging.

So why did he want to put everything he had into this? Something so small and frivolous- where it didn’t really matter whether the final product came out an utter mess or perfectly pristine?

Caleb wasn’t sure but with a newfound determination, his hands took to the work expertly. Careful and mechanical movements swiftly became automated and smooth.

His mind didn’t drift to places of insecurity or pain. Not even the memories of practiced, lavender and lightly calloused fingers were kept in his mind’s eye. His world just became colored strings and the droning rhythm of rain as he sank into a flow.

Molly stayed with him while he found his stride but soon Caleb was completing row after row with ease and abandon.

“Look at you: You’re a natural, Mr. Caleb.”

Molly’s breath came as a warm whisper brushing against his cheek.

It caught Caleb off guard but he didn’t shy away.

And when he felt a familiar, soft kiss pressed to his temple, Caleb realized he leaned into it. He briefly chased the sensation and heard a heady, yet quiet laugh at his ear.

“All right, one more, but just because you’re cute, OK? I can’t have people thinking I’m going soft,” Molly said before offering another short kiss.

Caleb felt his whole face flush red and his fingers momentarily lost their place before he refocused back on his task. Molly waited until he regained some momentum before getting to his feet.

His footing was left a little wobbly as one of the wheels hit a rock in the path but he recovered his balance admirably.

“Now while you take care of that, Caleb, I have to check in with Jester. I’m counting on you!”

Caleb smiled at the return of Molly’s faux-seriousness and gave a brief nod before returning to his assignment.

Meanwhile, Jester was pretending like she wasn’t watching the two of them- her violet eyes sneakily peeking over the top of her copy of _Revealing the Rogue_. Molly still caught her looking, all the same, and smirked as he sat down beside her.

“All right, you ready for some more fun?”

Jester squealed with excitement and made grabby hands at Mollymauk, pulling him closer to her. He allowed himself to be pulled into her lap but took hold of one of her hands and inspected it carefully.

He looked like he was considering something very profound, completely engrossed in thought, before he leaned in and whispered in her ear.

Immediately, Jester gasped and pulled him in for a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I haven’t done that in ages!” she cried as she quickly darted into her pink bag, searching for supplies.

Molly scooted away to give her some space and tilting his head so far back to see behind him, he caught the look of a thoroughly unimpressed Beauregard scowling back at him.

“I feel like I’m going to regret asking, but: What are you two planning this time?”

“Manicures!” Jester cheered, bouncing the newly acquired polishes and nail supplies in front of her for show.

“Oh gods, no,” Beau shuddered.

“I know you’re just dying to go first, Beauregard, but Jester, here, has been waiting very patiently for my artistic attentions.”

Beau groaned and nuzzled-in closer to Yasha, as if the barbarian were her only means of protection against pushed cuticles. Yasha patted her back sympathetically.

“If you really don’t want one, I don’t think they’ll make you,” she said softly.

“I know,” Beau responded grumpily. “But it’s just so _girly._ I feel like I’m gonna catch it.”

Jester was already soaking her hands in a small bowl, which she had procured and filled with water from her waterskin, while Molly perused her great assortment of nail polishes. Some were filled with glitter and sparkling while others promised a more lustrous and elegant sheen.

Regardless, she had just about every color anyone could feasibly want. He whistled at the collection, clearly impressed with the sheer breadth and obvious quality each bottle possessed.

“I can try doing some designs but the simpler the better, probably.” He laughed a little overwhelmed by the sudden reminder of their very different backgrounds. Molly felt it might be best to temper Jester’s expectations of what he could reasonably offer her.

“Not sure I can manage much more than polka dots with the cart bouncing every five minutes,” he explained.

Jester just giggled, unable to contain her excitement, but her laughter was enough to put Molly back at ease. He started buffing and reshaping her nails when she spoke up.

“How did you get so good at sleepovers, Molly?” she asked.

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

“Well, first the friendship bracelets and now manicures…”

“I’m just following your lead here, darling,” he replied simply, blowing some of the buffed nail dust away.

She paused.

“What?”

“You’re the one who took charge today. I’m just trying to give you a little back-up is all. I mean,” he lowered his voice to barely audible above the sound of the rain. “It was your idea to give Caleb something to do with his hands, after all.”

And it was true.

Once it had become abundantly clear that Frumpkin would not be making an appearance no matter how many snaps they coaxed out of their wizard, Jester had offered him Sprinkle to hold and play with for a little while.

The suggestion, however, had been shot down by Veth, when she pointed out the weasel would likely bite and scratch rather than soothe the invalid.

“I’m not saying that to be mean,” she had quickly followed. “I just think Sprinkle is most comfortable with you!”

“He’s skittish,” Yasha agreed, echoing Jester’s own previous assessment of her pet.

She had agreed easily at the time, deferring to the group, but it was becoming increasingly clear that she was feeling more than a little crestfallen. None of her plans had been working. Nothing they had tried had been of any help to Caleb over the past few days and today had been the worst yet by far.

And while she smiled and laughed before quickly moving on, searching for their next plan to try, Molly saw through her mask to her worries.

Jester was brought back to the moment as Mollymauk half-hummed an old sea shanty Orly had taught the two of them together when they had been pirates. As he started on her base coat, she caught his eye and he grinned up at her.

“You know, it can be pretty scary when someone you care about isn’t feeling well, right?” He kept his voice casual as he applied the polish.

The cool feeling of it made Jester relax a little. The familiar sensation sent her back to her days as a small child at the Chateau, when her mother and she would have a special Girl’s Day for just the two of them.

She closed her eyes and let the memories wash over her before nodding in answer to Molly’s question.

“It must be even scarier when people expect _you_ to be the one to make things better- not just because you can heal and you’re trained in medicine, but because you’re always our personal ball of sunshine.”

He stopped now, looking her squarely in the eye.

“But-” Molly pointed at her with the brush. A drop of clear polish threatened to drip onto his unsuspecting fingers below.

“You really are doing a magnificent job, and you _deserve_ to know that! Moreover,” he sighed as he returned to his task. “You deserve to have others take care of you, too, especially when times are scary and you have a lot riding on your shoulders.”

She stayed quiet as he finished but this didn’t satisfy him for long.

“All right?”

The question was sharp, coming out less as an ask for confirmation and more as a challenge against being rebuked.

Jester laughed at him.

“You worry too much, Molly!” But she seemed lighter now, relieved and happy, as she pointed out the sparkly fuchsia-pink color she wanted.

Her smile was enough to satisfy him for now and her bubbly mood slowly pervaded throughout the rest of the cart as time passed.

Caleb kept busy with his bracelet-making, furiously burning through more and more colorful thread. Molly started giving him little crystals and baubles to add to the ends for extra decoration, too. Soon they would have enough for not only a bracelet for each of them, but charms and chains for their different bags and knickknacks as well.

It was difficult to discern if this was making him happy, exactly, but this was the most improvement they had managed for him in days, so they would take it- along with the influx of their newly woven trinkets.

Mollymauk and Jester left him to his work, but otherwise, the two tieflings set about ensuring that every other member of the Mighty Nein had their nails done.

Beau and Yasha swapped with Fjord and Caduceus up front to give them a break for a couple of hours, and once she realized she was the final hold-out, excepting Caleb, Beauregard relented.

Truthfully, she was eager to have Jester’s sole-focused attention on her, and if it came at the price of a glossy topcoat, she would happily pay for it each and every time.

With all the merrymaking, the Mighty Nein tried their best to push away both their doubts and the darkness, for at least the remainder of the day.

And this was precisely why Fjord’s intermittent interjections about Caleb’s condition and the absence of his feline companion were deemed less than welcome by the others.

It was like he kept pulling on a loose string hanging off of their shirttails- one which they had neither the time, tools, nor energy to deal with properly. He was aggravating an already sorry situation that they were resolutely pouring all their effort into ignoring.

Recovery from his latest interruption was put on pause, however, as for the first time in days, the road around them turned away from the relative comfort of empty fields and open farmlands.

The forest, which had been a far-off break in the scenery, was now looming ahead of them as their highway took a sharp bend to the right.

Soon they were surrounded by dense, encroaching trees. It was still a few hours until sundown, but even if it had been a bright, sunny day, the warmth and light may not have reached them here.

The sudden darkness was stifling.

Caduceus lit the end of his staff not only to see but also to bring them all some much needed comfort and reassurance.

There was no talk of ghost stories now. In fact, there was very little talk to be had among the group at all.

The forest seemed to press in with an unnatural quiet that left a foreboding feeling upon them.

Caleb kept up with his project, shifting his position to keep it in the light. Mollymauk was half-tempted to tell him not to strain his eyes like that; however, depriving the man of the one thing that helped him cope today, while they were plunged into the spooky and desolate woods didn’t strike him as a fair trade-off, all told.

Besides, Caleb wasn’t the only one trying to fight back the darkness with busy-work.

Jester was furiously scribbling something in her sketchbook and was being oddly coy about whatever she was working on. She caught Molly looking at her expectantly. Usually she was pretty free with her doodles, except when something was weighing on her mind.

Mollymauk didn’t press her, nor begrudged her turning away from him, as though being extra protective of her work.

Beau and Yasha were killing time oiling and sharpening their equipment, and while Veth had pulled out some of her alchemy supplies, they mostly sat before her unopened. Her heart just wasn’t in whatever experiments she had planned on concocting at the moment.

Molly took this as another opportunity for a little pampering, and soon he had convinced her into taking turns braiding each other’s hair.

Fjord and Caduceus made idle chatter, but even their voices were kept low and speech between them had grown comparatively sparse.

There was just a general unease about everyone and after another hour of travelling farther into the dark, the very air around them grew oppressive.

It sparked little joy, then, when Caduceus spotted the sign:

Waldenbrooke Manor.

The words carved into the wood were a bit faded and difficult to read, but there was fanciful silver filigree along the edges that helped it stand out.

What ultimately piqued the cleric’s interest, however, was the smaller sign hanging below this with words painted in a rough and uneven font, giving the impression that a begrudging addendum had been made. It read simply: Inn and Stables for the Weary Traveler.

Fjord pointed out a smaller road off-shooting the main highway, which curved off ahead of them.

Caduceus turned to them all with a face of such relief that it only served to betray his own level of discomfort.

“I think what we could all use is a nice warm bed to stay in for the night.”

Beau stiffened.

“You can’t be serious. Cad, this whole place is screaming _Stay Out! We’re Super Haunted!_ ”

“You can punch ghosts! What do you have to be afraid of?” Veth countered.

“Yeah, but don’t you remember what happened the last time we walked into what we knew was for sure an obvious trap?”

Yasha grimaced, looking away, and Molly scowled at Beau. The red glimmer of his eyes shone his scorn in the dark.

“Sorry, sorry!” She backpedaled. “I just mean, don’t you think we have enough to worry about as it is?”

Caduceus answered, nonplussed. “That’s exactly what I think, and John and Head could use a rest and some fresh hay so I think we’re better off taking the help we’ve been offered, whether or not it’s the help we may want.”

With that, Fjord urged the horses on down the smaller path.

The woods seemed even denser here as the road turned so narrow, the width of their two horses was almost too much for it. They traveled another half mile down this, at least, with branches scraping up against the sides of their wagon and across their tarp, making a terrible and grating racket- until, finally, things began to open up.

However, upon entering the clearing, the difference was immediate and drastic.

The path wound around a vast lawn, leading up to an impressive four-story mansion. And although it made for an imposing sight, everything appeared to be disheveled and in disarray.

A large hedge maze to their left, at least 15 feet in height, did tower dramatically over them, but it also looked rather brown and withered. There were big gaps in places where a person could see through to different pathways, which spoke to its age and lack of upkeep. Similarly, the road that led up to the main house was lined with topiaries that looked grossly misshapen, as though no one had been by to properly trim back and define their features as of late.

The gardens also looked overgrown and in need of a thorough weeding at the very least. Flowerbeds were choked away by creeping ivy and dead wisteria. A fountain sat in the center walkway of these that looked chipped and broken. Stone cherubim were missing various limbs or heads and no water was flowing from it.

Near the entrance of the house, a small playground sat empty. Creaky swings whined in the wind.

The rain had finally broken for the first time all day but the dark clouds clung in place, hanging low overhead. A trail of chimney smoke lazily rose to meet these, which only served to make the building look like it was somehow attached to the sky by a string.

Each story of the house sported an impressive number of windows that seemed to wrap around it, judging by the front and far-side the Mighty Nein could see as they approached. The shutters around these also seemed to be in the same state of disrepair, especially along the top story. Some hang dangerously by a single hinge, threatening to fall at the sign of any major gust.

Fjord let out a whistle.

“Well, this place sure is…”

“A fixer-upper on the market?” Veth asked, her optimism was maligned by the tremble in her voice.

“A shithole is more like it,” Molly supplied. “A haunted shithole, at that.”

“Yeeeeaaahhhhh,” came Beau. “Uh, Caduceus?”

“Already on it,” he answered, casting Eyes of the Grave.

After a moment of looking around all around them, he let out a sigh.

“Well, if there _is_ anything ghosty around here, it’s not within 60 feet of us at least.”

It was a small comfort but one they would take all the same.

The road branched into two paths, one leading up to the entrance of the estate and one that curved back around to what apparently was a large empty field, a barn and some stables, and more dark forests beyond.

The windows on the bottom floor of the mansion were lit with a warm glow, promising firelight and providing a much stronger argument that the whole place hadn’t been abandoned and left to rot- in spite of appearances.

Caduceus led the horses up to the main entrance. It was better to make sure they were welcome before putting the cart away unannounced.

They had nearly rolled up to the front door entirely when it slowly opened.

The shadow of a squat figure tentatively stooped out to greet them.


	5. Honor Among Thieves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mighty Nein settle in at the Waldenbrooke Manor for the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!
> 
> This story sure has been gathering dust now, but I hope you like this next installment all the same.

Everyone was still for a moment- carefully gauging each other with a tense pressure, until at last Caduceus raised his staff. 

The shadowed figure, now bathed in light, was revealed to be a short half-elven man.

Balding and in clothes that looked to be more patches than garment, he gazed up at Caduceus with disdain and suspicion. 

Caduceus, for his part, did not seem to mind in the slightest.

“Good evening, friend!” He started brightly. “Would this be the estate advertised back on the main road?”

The man still eyed him with mistrust, which only deepened as he spied the rest of the Mighty Nein.

“It might be. Depends on the advertisement,” he said, keeping his answer frustratingly unhelpful.

Beau grumbled under her breath but a reproachful look from Mollymauk, as well as Yasha’s gentle hand on her shoulder, quieted her. 

Conversely, a simple note of disappointment was the only change in Caduceus’s rumbling voice.

“Oh, that’s too bad. You see, my friends and I could really use an inn to stay at for the night and a place to take care of our horses.”

The half-elf reluctantly relented. 

“Aye, then: You’re in the right place. Gordrick can set you up at the stables. Just go ahead and grab what you’ll be needing for the night.”

“Oh, well that’s just great! Thank y-!” 

But before Caduceus could finish, the man returned inside, slamming the door in their faces.

“Not exactly the warmest of welcomes around here,” Fjord muttered.

“Yeah! That guy’s a total prick!” Jester agreed.

But Caduceus merely shrugged and started gathering his belongings. “If he’s got a place for us to hole up and collect our bearings for a bit, then it hardly makes much of a difference. The way I see it: He’s out here right when we needed him and that’s more than enough for me.”

Mollymauk heard a few of the others groan but his focus, as usual, was on Caleb.

“Hey, come on now, love. We’re going to get you some dinner and a nice bed to sleep in, and you’ll be feeling _so much better,_ you won’t even know what to do with yourself!”

Caleb didn’t nod or say anything, but for a moment, Molly thought he saw the corner of his mouth quirk up. 

He’d take it. 

Molly hadn’t realized just how starved he’d feel without Caleb’s soft-spoken words, but it just gave him more to work towards in the meantime.

He hopped down with a thud: The ground was slick and muddy and squelched something awful underfoot. 

However, Molly put the thought out of his head as he gently helped Caleb down, and soon enough, each of the group made their way inside.

All-told, the interior didn’t speak any more highly of the mansion.

The walls were chipped and bare in places and the ceiling had uninviting cracks decorating it. 

A lit chandelier crookedly dangled by a chain, casting tilted shadows, and the bar was made of wood that sat dingy and unpolished. The fire, though warm and inviting, was nestled in a brick fireplace, which was crumbling in places. A child likely could have kicked it all into rubble without much of an effort.

To the place’s credit, though, neither a speck of dust nor dirt could be found anywhere.

Similarly, a rocking chair was placed near the fireplace with care- a warm-looking shawl draping over it for use. And some bookshelves, while not nearly over-laden, were still handsomely stocked for easy perusal.

Long wooden tables and benches, more suited for a mess hall, made up most of the open dining area, and a mousey human girl in her early 20s was tending the bar. She smiled brightly at them as they entered, waving excitedly.

This quickly stopped, however, when the half-elven man- standing nearer to the entrance- gave her a sharp look. Instead, she hurriedly turned away to re-tidy the bottles behind her, which at a glance, appeared to be arranged in a perfect order already.

This behavior did not at all endear the man to the group but they had a sneaking suspicion that their opinions mattered little to him as it were.

Regardless, the half-elf dropped into a low bow to them, perhaps more out of habit than actual feeling.

“ _Willkommen,_ travelers! To Waldenbrooke Manor! This mansion has stood here for centuries and has housed the most noble of families for generations! _Do_ feel honored to be staying here with us this evening.” With the final statement, he looked up at them with a glare, sounding more like a threat than a welcome.

The Mighty Nein hadn’t noticed it before while they were outside, but the man spoke with a lilting accent, but one that… seemed off somehow.

It was as if he were trying to _sound_ Zemnian rather than actually being from the Zemni Fields.

And this difference may not have caught any of their attentions, except for.. well…

Caleb felt the eyes of his friends upon him. As though, this cheap imitation only put into a starker relief how much they wanted to hear the real thing again.

He flexed his fingers and clenched his knuckles for a moment, keenly aware of his incapability to give them what they wanted. It was like Mollymauk understood as he suddenly felt a familiar hand on the small of his back.

“Easy, Caleb,” he soothed. “You just wait here while I order us some good food and drink.” Molly said as he guided the wizard down to one of the benches.

Before he could pull away entirely, however, Caleb reached out for Molly’s arm and gave it a squeeze. He couldn’t express his gratitude in words but hopefully this would be enough.

The warm light of the blood hunter’s smile told him that it worked and Caleb felt a loosening in his chest for the first time all day. 

He watched from afar as Mollymauk sauntered up to the young lady waiting for them at the bar.

“Well, hello there! And who might you be, Miss?”

The mousey girl giggled, obviously instantly charmed, and yeah, Caleb knew that feeling all too well.

“I’m Mara. It’s very nice to have so many guests here at Waldenbrooke! We don’t get many visitors these days, I’m afraid.”

An indignant _hmpf!_ very nearly had Molly roll his eyes, as it was clear they were no longer alone. Instead, he smoothed his disposition with a practiced precision that only comes from dealing with assholes on the road for years- both in and out of the circus.

Molly turned to their ‘host,’ a title clearly in name only. 

“Yes, and I’m afraid I didn’t catch what we’re to call you either.”

“You may refer to me as _Herr_ Pelletier. I am Steward here at Waldenbrooke _Manor._ ” Again, he shot a look as though scolding Mara as he continued. “And as such, I would very much like to settle the matter of payment before you and your _friends_ make yourselves too comfortable.”

Mollymauk knew when he was being insulted but this was pushing things, even for him. He hadn’t even found out if this place had anything to eat yet!

_All right, then,_ he thought before subtly gesturing for Beau.

“Well, you see, good sir- I mean, _Herr_ Pelletier,” Molly quickly corrected as the steward looked at him as though he may crack the back of his wrist with a ruler. “I’m afraid we are but poor, hired sell-swords.”

Beauregard stepped up, catching on to the grift.

“He’s right. We only have three copper pieces between the lot of us. Business has been bad. Can’t hit for shit, ‘specially this one,” she said giving Molly a quick jab.

Molly filed that one away for later but was pleased to see that between the two of them, they seemed to be making some headway with their host here.

The steward considered them for a moment before sneaking a glance back at the others. Although they had kept out of the rain and mud to the best of their abilities, their time out on the road, plus the added excitement of the day, was more than apparent for all of them.

Plus, Beau had gone with a good lie. 

If someone says they don’t have a single copper piece, they’re a liar. Two? They’re a cheat.

But someone saying they only had three- that was entirely plausible.

Many of the Nein had made do with that much before, although right now they were all flush from their recent string of good luck.

At last, the man seemed to make up his mind, eyeing the two of them cooly.

“I’m sorry but three copper pieces simply won’t be enough for more than a crust of bread and some water. I’m afraid you’ll all have to leave.”

_Excellent!_ They had moved on to the bartering phase. 

Beau and Molly had run this con so many times together now: They knew they had him before he said another word.

But, then, of course, Molly saw no reason to deny himself a spot of fun along the way.

“That’s _more_ than fair and just, my good man. But, you see, this right here,” he gestured as though unveiling Beauregard as a high-end carnival game prize, “Is actually the disgraced and ruined wretch of a firstborn to _the_ Lionett family.”

Molly felt Beau’s eyes boring into him like daggers. He would definitely be getting shit for this later but that would be future Mollymauk’s problem.

“And we just so happen to have four bottles of a fine vintage that we could _maybe_ part with if you could find it in your most generous heart to take pity on some helpless travelers.”

These words absolutely caught the steward’s attention and when he looked away to gape at the ragtag group of misfits, Beau slammed her heel onto Molly’s toes. 

He gasped and had tears budding in the corners of his eyes but smiled toothily as the half-elf quickly agreed to the terms, setting them up for room, board, and stable care without issue.

Beau kept his attention as Mollymauk limped gingerly over to Jester’s pink haversack and pulled out their requisite payment. In truth, they would still have more than thirty bottles left in their collection after this. 

Still, the weight and smooth texture of the glass suddenly gave Molly a sharp pang of nostalgia.

After their less than amicable visit with Beau’s parents in Kamordah, Molly had softly rapped on a door of the seedy Gemmed Hearth Inn. 

It was the middle of the night and Beau eyed him warily. Until, finally, after giving up the excuse that he was afraid of catchy something unsavory from the mouldering hay of the place, he made his offer plainly:

“Hey, you feel like robbing your parents? You know, for old time’s sake while we’re here?”

Beau cast a quick look behind her at a still-sleeping Jester and with a single nod, they were off.

The manic joy Beauregard held about her as she silently led them through her old stomping grounds, making use of old paths and passages and knowledge of guard shifts, was utterly infectious. _This_ was clearly the Kamordah Beau knew best and Molly was happy to help her let off some steam.

They managed to clear out two great crates between them before heading back.

The only downside came when just after dawn, Beau caught sight of Mollymauk hobbling back to the inn: Alone, dirty, and exhausted- having made the trip a second time to leave more than enough coin to cover for all that was taken.

Molly wanted to gift Beau the thrill, not the heat nor the consequences.

They never spoke of it- neither then nor since- but as Molly made to pass her and stumble back to his room, she gave him the biggest hug the two of them had ever shared together.

He thought of that hug now as his toes throbbed with every step he took to hand the wine off.

Soon enough, dinner arrived. 

It was mostly simple meats and potatoes but Mara had done her best to fashion for Caduceus a makeshift vegetarian option. She was clearly embarrassed but he appreciated her efforts all the same.

Caduceus was always kind like that, Molly mused, before tucking into his own meal. He was sandwiched in-between Caleb and Beauregard now.

“The guy’s name isn’t even remotely Zemnian. You do realize that, right?” She groused between mouthfuls.

To both of their surprise, Caleb nodded vigorously at this.

_A very good sign!_ Molly thought, until he noticed that Caleb wasn’t touching his food at all.

_Well, shit._

“What people get up to in their own free time is their business, Beau,” he settled before more fully turning to his wizard. “You really need to eat, darling. You haven’t had anything substantial in you since…” and then he trailed off. 

_How long had it been since he had last seen Caleb eat a full meal?_ He couldn’t remember but he could kick himself over that later. 

For now, Caleb was just crinkling his nose at the food before him and shaking his head. 

The man was hunched in over himself: One arm pressing firmly against his stomach as he made his mystery gesture again with the other, before pulling that one in for its added pressure, too.

He had gone pale again and looked the epitome of nausea.

“Your stomach hurts because you haven’t eaten anything.” Molly tried again. “Your body needs fuel to get better.”

Caleb let out an exasperated breath that was probably as close to a groan as he could manage right now, before looking up at Molly. His expression was one of grim acquiescence, and Molly’s heart hurt looking at those sad puppy dog eyes.

But slowly, Caleb started to eat.

Relief burst across Molly’s features and he rubbed his back, cooing encouragements at him for a spell before turning back to join in with the group gossip.

It had been a rough day but things were finally looking up, and Mollymauk would take it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to let me know what you think by leaving a comment and/or kudo!
> 
> I hope you liked this and hopefully I will update this "soon."  
> (Soon may mean an update tomorrow or 18 years from now given my own personal track record.)
> 
> Peace!


End file.
